


Apart

by Taelala



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gay Panic, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, background Blush, background Ralbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 21:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17947496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taelala/pseuds/Taelala
Summary: Davey is taken to the refuge following an encounter with Snyder, and Jack is left to cope.





	Apart

Davey slumped against the wall, fighting for every breath of oxygen.  Tears stung at his eyes, hot and sharp.  Somewhere behind him and around a couple of corners, he thought he could still hear Jack calling out for him. He remained still, squeezed his eyes shut, and prayed Jack wouldn’t find him.

Why did this have to happen?  Why did it have to be now?  Everything had been fine.  He was actually getting better at selling papers.  The other newsies had welcomed him into their brotherhood.  His parents were proud of him. Why did Jack have to trash all that with a single, stupid kiss?

And why,  _why,_  had Davey runaway?

That kiss… it had felt like the entire world turned around that kiss.  Jack had been laughing, his eyes sparkling, and then… he’d just grabbed him by the shirt and hauled him in.  It was tender and insistent.  That kiss was a plea for understanding, a plea for Davey to respond in kind.  Yet with his heart racing and his head pounding, Davey had pushed him away and ran.

It wasn’t as if anyone had seen them, hidden in the alleyway behind Jacobi’s.  It wasn’t as if he thought the other guys would even care.  He’d learned his lesson on that subject the first time he and some others had stumbled upon Mush and Blink – a naked, moaning tangle of flesh at the time.  Davey had felt his heart drop out of his body and through the earth in terror, for himself and for the two boys making love in a backroom of the theater.

But Jack, Jack had just groaned and shut the door, grumbling about “those two always goin’ at it.”  Race had laughed and reminded everyone of the time he won a sizable bet regarding when those two would finally get together.  To top it off, Albert had pinched Race’s ass and mentioned that they might use the room next.

As his friends walked away, Davey had found a quiet corner in which to process what he’d just experienced.  His whole life spent aching, hating, praying to wake up and be  _different_ , and here in the same city the whole time had been a group of boys hiding in dark rooms sharing their love freely while their friends just  _knew_.  Knew, and supported them, and kept their secrets.  That was a reality Davey had never imagined was possible.

He wasn’t ready for anyone to know about the feelings he had always harbored for broad-shouldered, dark haired boys.  Yet this moment had been a revelation.  In that moment, for the first time in his life, he knew that maybe someday he could be ready.  Someday, if he ever found the courage, the newsies would be waiting right there with open arms and a filthy joke.

That day, it wasn’t today.  No, not nearly.  Despite all the nights he’d laid in bed aching for Jack Kelly’s arms only to fall asleep and dream of his lips on every inch of Davey’s skin, he just wasn’t ready.

Maybe that was his own fault.  He’d put those feelings aside every time.  Shoved them down, willed them away.  Maybe he had broken himself too absolutely. He wasn’t as free and as confident as the others.  Maybe he’d never be ready.

There on the street, hiding from Jack, Davey’s breath caught in his throat.   _Oh god, maybe I’ll never be ready._

 

_& &&_

 

“I said I don’t know,” Davey responded, trying to sound more firm this time.  The words shook regardless of his efforts.

Snyder clearly wasn’t convinced.  “You are a known associate of Mr. Kelly, and I know you’re perfectly aware of how to find him.”

It had only been a couple of days since the kiss that Davey couldn’t shake from his mind.  He couldn’t wipe the feeling of it from his lips.  In that time, he had avoided Jack at all costs – though he noted that Jack had made this easy for him.  Each time Davey came near him, Jack would drop his eyes and walk away.  There was an uncharacteristic mixture of shame and sadness in those eyes, and none of the reckless confidence Davey had become so used to.  That look made Davey hurt with the desire to hold Jack, though he knew he never could.

Just moments ago, Davey had been accepting a polite young lady’s coin when he spotted Jack heading up the other side of the street.  Likely heading back to the lodging house for the night, having sold his papers out early.  Jack had seen him too, but had averted his eyes and disappeared into the crowd.

Of course, he would never share that information with Snyder.  Maybe he couldn’t hold Jack, but he could still protect him.

“I haven’t seen him today,” Davey said coldly, turning away.  “I got papes to sell.”

Snyder grabbed his arm and whipped him back around, rage in his eyes. “Don’t you disrespect me, boy.  You are lying, I can see it on your smug little face.  You tell me where to find that… that-”

“That what?”  Davey challenged.

“That  _deviant little whore_ ,” Snyder answered with a disgusted sneer.

Those had probably been the last words Davey would’ve expected.  For a moment he just balked, his mind trying to absorb the words and their meaning.  Was it possible?  Could Snyder know about Jack’s… the way he felt, about men?

The words finally soaked into Davey, their meanings throbbing in his head.

Deviant. Defying normality.  Opposite the status quo.  Unacceptable. Disgusting.

Whore. Sexually promiscuous.  Unwanted by society.  Worthless.  Disgusting.

Those words, no matter how he turned them over in his head, couldn’t be applied to Jack Kelly.

In the space of a heartbeat, Davey had dropped his papers, pulled back his fist, and brought it forth against Snyder’s mouth with as much force as he was capable of.  Snyder was thrown by the contact and a hand shot up to his face to catch a trickle of blood bubbling from his lip.

Snyder smiled.  “You’ve done it now, boy.”

Davey didn’t consider running.  He was still vibrating with rage, every muscle in his body tight and ready for a brawl.  A deep sense of satisfaction began to trickle through Davey’s veins as he threw his fist at that despicable man a second time.

This time, Snyder caught his arm mid-air and quickly twisted it back, causing Davey to yelp out in pain as he was slammed face-first against the brick wall.

“Some time in my Refuge, I think, will do you good.”

 

&&&

 

Jack didn’t know why he was following Race at a run.  He’d just been minding his own damn business, trying too hard not to think about Davey, when Race had run up to him with panic dripping from his features.

“Jack, come quick!”

Now as they rounded a corner and sped down the alleyway towards what Jack realized was Davey’s selling spot,  he felt his body grow cold.  He threw his papers to the side and quickened his pace.  “Is he hurt?” Jack called out, but Race didn’t answer.  He was slowing down as they approached Albert, who was waiting at the end of the alley shifting his feet nervously.

“I dunno what to do,”  Albert blurted out.

As Jack started to rush out of the alley and into the street, Race grabbed his shirt and pulled him back.  The three crouched down, using the corner of the building for cover.  Jack followed Race’s horrified gaze through the thinning crowd of people to the other side of the street, where-

_Oh god.  God no._

Snyder has Davey pinned against a wall, one hand twisting his arm behind his back and the other grinding his face into the bricks.  Davey was struggling and calling out in pain as Snyder’s goons approached, cuffs in hand.  Davey saw the cuffs and his expression changed to terror.

Jack darted out into the street, but Race followed and pulled him back. He tried to shove his friend away, but in a second Albert was on him too.  He fought and yanked away, but the two managed to wrestle him back into the safety of the alley and slam him into the wall.

“It’s too late!”  Albert yelled.  “They got ‘im!”

“No,” Jack growled, still trying to escape.  “Davey!”  He yelled the name helplessly, knowing the other boy would never hear him over the noise in the street.

Race threw his shoulder against Jack’s chest to pin him more effectively, knocking the wind out of him.  “You’re gonna get yourself snatched too, Jack!”

“I don’t care!”  He managed to push Race to the ground and Albert jumped down to help him up.  Jack took this opportunity to run.

Back in the street, his eyes swept the crowd.  They were all going about their business like nothing had happened, like a boy hadn’t just been attacked and taken away by a grown man in broad daylight.  Just a newsboy, no one important.  Probably a troublemaker.  Snyder, his goons, and Davey were nowhere to be seen.

_He’s gone.  He’s gone.  To that place, oh god, the place where-_

Jack couldn’t breathe.  His lungs weren’t working.  He struggled to take in oxygen, but it wouldn’t come.  He looked down to see that his hands were shaking, but only witnessed this for a moment before his vision blurred over.  The world swam around him and he stumbled. Someone’s arms caught him and led him to somewhere quieter.  Race? Firm hands on his shoulders forced him to sit on the ground.  He was vaguely aware of Race kneeling before him and Albert at his side. Race was gripping Jack’s shoulder hard, but he could barely feel it.  Albert gently slapped his face, trying to make him focus.

“Jack? Jack, are you okay?   _Jack_?”

 

&&&

 

Jack stumbled over some loose pavement and cursed under his breath.  That hadn’t been there before, he was sure of it.  He ducked behind a pile of crates to rest and catch his breath.  He had sworn he would never come back to this awful place again, this hell on earth.

He gathered his strength and rose up, watching carefully.  He couldn’t sense any eyes on him and there was no movement in the night, so he plunged on, darting across the empty space to grab onto the first ladder of the Refuge’s fire escape.

Jack cursed again as the ladder groaned and creaked under his weight, and made a mental note to move more slowly from here on out.  The rest of the climb was painfully slow as he stopped at every one of the huge, multi-pane, nailed-shut windows top see if he could detect any sign of Davey Jacobs inside.  All he saw were boys his age and younger. Sick, injured, tired, hopeless.  He heard one of the little ones crying and wiped a shaking hand across his face before moving on.

At one of these windows a young man was sitting and staring out into the darkness.  He didn’t even look up as Jack approached, despite it being impossible that he missed him.  He looked like more of a shell than a person.  Jack tapped on the glass to get his attention and whispered.  “I’m lookin’ for somebody.”

The boy looked at him, but made no indication that he cared.

“He’d be new,”  Jack tried again.  “Just came in yesterday.  He’s tall, dark hair, and-”

The boy turned away without a word or any acknowledgment and walked away into the darkness of the room.  Jack rested his forehead on the glass and breathed.  Would he even be able to find Davey?  He started towards the stairs to the next window, when-

“Jack?” The voice was so soft, so riddled with fear and uncertainty, that Jack almost didn’t recognize it.

He turned and rushed back to the window, where Davey now stood looking at him.  For a moment, Jack just stared.  Davey’s eye was bruised, his face torn and bleeding.  He was holding his arm funny.  His eyes, though… they still had something in them.  A glimmer of hope and rebellion.

_Hang onto that, Davey.  Hang onto that for me._

“God Davey,” he breathed.  “What’re ya doin’ in here?”

Davey just shook his head.  He started to speak, but his words never came.

“They told me you punched Snyder.  Why the hell-”

“It doesn’t matter why,” Davey said quickly.  “I’m not sorry.”

Jack grimaced.  Davey would be sorry.  The Refuge would make him.  “Don’t be an idiot.  We all wanna soak Snyder, but we know better.”

“Jack, he said-”

“It don’t matter what he said, you shouldn’t be in here,” he whispered angrily.  “You don’t belong in here.”

Davey just shook his head, his eyes suddenly far away.  “No one belongs in here, Jack.”  He looked around for a moment, then forced a smile.  “It ain’t so bad.”

“You ain’t seen how bad it can get,” Jack answered quietly.  “Not yet.”

Jack noticed a small, broken pane in the window and reached his fingers up towards it.  Davey responded without hesitation, and when Jack’s hand slipped inside the walls of the Refuge Davey took it and gripped it hard.  For a moment, they both just stared at their clasped hands. It was the first time they’d touched since he’d been stupid enough to try and kiss Davey.  He’d known better then, and knew better now.  It was nice of Davey to humor him, or maybe he just needed the comfort, but honestly, who was he kidding?

Jack started to pull his hand back, but Davey just tightened his fingers and wouldn’t let go.  Jack sighed and laid his head against the cool glass again, and Davey matched his pose.  He tried to memorize this moment, the most affection Davey ever had or likely ever would show him.  Why did it have to be here?

The sound of soft but cruel-spirited chuckles and snickers came from behind Davey in the dark room.  Jack jerked his hand away, hissing as it caught on a jagged piece of glass still sitting in the window frame.  Davey had tried to hold on, but Jack wasn’t having it.  He nodded to the room full of boys behind Davey, boys who might be watching, as he fiddled with the glass embedded in the back of his thumb.

“I don’t care,” Davey said.

“They will,” Jack answered.  He knew this.  How could he have been so stupid?  So selfish, to demand Davey’s touch only to put him at greater risk. “And you should.  You gotta be careful, Davey.  You can’t let ‘em think-”  He gritted his teeth and pulled the glass from his bleeding hand, tossing it aside.  “You gotta be strong.  Tougher than you ever been.  You can do this, I’m gonna get you through this.”

 

&&&

 

Jack sat still in his chair while other boys laughed and joked around him. Someone hurdled a spoon at Tommy Boy and he ducked just in time, leaving it to smack the back of Jack’s head and then clatter to the floor.  Tommy Boy was laughing for a moment, until he realized that Jack hadn’t even reacted.  No one needed to ask why.  He’d been like this every second of the two weeks that Davey had been locked up.

“Hey, Jack,” came a quiet voice.

He looked up to see Specs beside him, looking… concerned.  “Yeah, what-”  He noticed the folded scrap of paper in Specs’ hand and snatched it, knowing Davey was the only one in the world with reason to write him a letter.  It was scrawled as if written in a hurry, and was painfully brief.

_Jack -_

_Don’t visit again.  I’m sorry._

He stared at those few words for a long time, as if staring could make them change into something that didn’t feel like a knife to the gut.  He was suddenly aware that Specs had been talking to him quietly.

“-beaten up real bad.  Not the stuff Snyder did, it’s… it’s a lot worse. It looked like it must’ve gone on for awhile.  There was a lot of blood, and I think… I think they broke his arm.”

“The guards?”

Specs hesitated and shook his head.  “Said the other boys did it.  I don’t get it, Jack.  Why would they-”

He kept talking, but Jack wasn’t listening.  His blood had run cold. He knew exactly why they’d attacked Davey.  He knew exactly what had motivated a bunch of boys to turn on another and beat the shit out of him.  He stared at the cut on his hand, and he knew.

_My fault._

Jack drew in a sharp breath, trying to control himself, but moments later the tears had clouded his vision and an awful sob rattled out of his throat.  The Deli went silent as all the boys took in the foreign sight of their leader, his frame being shaken and wracked with sob after sob as he wrapped his arms around his stomach and tried not to throw up.

Within seconds, someone’s arms were around him.  Half a dozen hands found places on his shoulders, arms, head, and knees.  Some held tight, where others rubbed gently.  Jack tried to find comfort in this support and absolute lack of teasing, but nothing could ease the ache radiating from his soul for what he had done to Davey.  Davey, who would come back beaten, broken, and destroyed, if he came back at all.

 

&&&

 

Three months had passed with no word from Davey.  Not that Jack had expected word.  He knew and accepted guilt for what he had caused. He never should’ve reached through that window.  He never should’ve gone to the Refuge.  Hell, he never should have kissed Davey in the first place.

Jack was leaning on the railing of the boarding house fire escape watching the sunset.  It was probably the most beautiful one he’d ever seen, painted by the hands of angels, but he couldn’t appreciate it.  He wondered if Davey was watching the same sky, if he could still find some kind of comfort and beauty in this world.

He heard the ladder moving under someone’s weight.  Likely one of the boys coming up to remind him to eat something.  He’d sold his papers early and come back without grabbing any dinner.  He’d been doing that a lot, and the guys had caught on.

He turned his head to tell whoever it was to leave him be, but the words died before leaving his lips.  Davey Jacobs was there, looking back at him, hands in his pockets, holding his breath.  The only visible parts of his skin were on his face and forearms, but both were layered with an excess of new and old cuts and bruises.

Davey finally shrugged and gave a very forced smile.  “I was released today.”

Jack just stared for awhile before quickly straightening up and and awkwardly nodding to Davey’s forehead.  “You got a scar.”

Davey looked pointedly at Jack’s hand, at the place just above his knuckle on his left thumb.  “You too.”

Jack rubbed at the scar with his other hand and scraped it with his fingernail.  It still hurt when he did that, so he did it a lot.  That scar reminded him every day of his mistake.

“Look,” Davey said quickly, casting his eyes down.  “I’m sorry I told you not to visit, and that I didn’t write.  It’s just, they-”

“I get it,” Jack interrupted.  “Specs told me what… what they did to ya.”

Davey nodded and took a long pause before speaking again, very quietly. “Things are different now, Jack.  I’m different.”

Jack nodded.  “It changes you.  I know.  I’m… God Davey, I’m so sorry.  I made it so much worse for ya.”

Davey met his eyes now, shaking his head.  “No.”

“If I hadn’t taken your hand like that, where they could see…”  He swallowed and stopped, gripping the railing again to steady himself. Doing so made his scar hurt.  He gripped harder.  He couldn’t break down again, not in front of Davey.  Not after what he had been through at Jack’s hands.  Jack knew he had no right.

“Then they would’ve found another reason.  Because I’m odd, because I’m Jewish.  I’m not built for the Refuge and everyone there knew it. They were looking for a reason.”  He stepped forwards and laid a hand on Jack’s.  Jack nearly pulled away, but Davey gently intertwined their fingers and gave Jack’s hand a squeeze.  “If you hadn’t taken my hand that night…  Jackie, that was the only damn thing that got me through.  Holding onto that.”

Jack searched Davey’s eyes for an explanation, but found none.  They didn’t look as hollow as they had a moment ago, they glinted with… something.

“I’m different,” Davey repeated softly.  “And I need you to be patient with me while I figure out what that means for me out here.”

Jack nodded, though he didn’t truly understand.  “Of course.  Anything you need, say the word.  I’d-” he swallowed and gathered his courage.  “I’d do anything for you, Davey.”

Davey smiled at that, a real, genuine smile.  It was prettier than any stupid sunset could ever be.  “I know.”  They both looked down at their hands, clasped tightly together on the railing.  “While I was in there, I had three months to decide how I feel about what happened between us.  The day… the day you kissed me.”

Jack shook his head.  “Davey, about that-”

Suddenly Davey let go and his hand went instead of Jack’s chin, drawing his face up so their eyes met again.  There was something commanding and yet desperate about the way he was holding onto Jack.  “Three months and I’m still not sure what I’m supposed to feel or what to do about it.  But I knew day one what I was gonna do the minute I got out.”

In one motion Davey moved forwards and leaned in, pressing a light, small kiss to Jack’s lips.  Jack didn’t breathe.  Surely, this wasn’t happening.  When Davey pulled away just an inch he watched Jack’s eyes for some kind of protest.  When none came he kissed Jack again, deeper this time, tender and affectionate.  Jack finally responded, moving both his hands to Davey’s neck to pull him in closer.

After a moment more of indulging, Jack pulled away.  “Wait, I- I don’t understand this.”

“Neither do I,” Davey said with a shrug, letting his hand fall.  “I don’t know what it means.  I don’t know what I want, except that I wanna kiss you again.  I was hoping we could figure it out together.”

Jack nodded slowly, having trouble absorbing the words but unwilling to fight them.  He moved towards Davey and melted into a waiting embrace.  He leaned his head against Davey’s, finally, and let out a long sigh.  “Just don’t go doin’ nothin’ stupid from now on, you got it?  I can’t do another three months without you…”

There was silence, and Davey seemed to hesitate before speaking.  “Snyder… he said something about you, Jack.  That’s why I hit him.”

“Wait, you,” Jack looked up at him, shocked.  “What the hell did he say to make you do that?”

Davey frowned and muttered the words under his breath, as if they were almost too vile to be heard.  Jack heard them clearly nonetheless.

“He uh,” Jack exhaled.  “He knows about… about me.  Caught me with a guy, in the Refuge.  Made a big stink about it.”

“I’m sorry,” Davey said softly.

“S’fine,” Jack answered, but they both knew his casual dismissal was just a cover.  Jack rested his head on Davey’s chest and just breathed. All that was important right now was the boy in his arms, safe, bent but not broken, not destroyed.  “Davey, I-”

A cheer came from down below abruptly, followed by laughter and someone clapping.  The boys jumped apart before they realized it was Race, Smalls, and Elmer.

“Fuck’s sake, warn a guy!” Jack yelled.

They weren’t listening.  Down below more newsies were filing out into the alleyway and money was changing hands as they argued about “who had a Tuesday?”  Davey laughed softly and gently, only slightly fearfully, took Jack’s hand.  The boys’ argument below was devolving into a brawl, but Jack was busy pulling Davey close again to give him one last goodnight kiss.


End file.
